


love, we can be fools this once

by altinbar



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: First Kiss, First Time, First fights, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mentioned Eren Yeager, Mentioned Hange Zoë, Minor Angst, Not Beta Read, Proposals, Talking About The Future, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, just a couple of guys being dudes, minor s2 spoilers, no explicit content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:36:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28758945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/altinbar/pseuds/altinbar
Summary: “Don’t go yet,” He says, shocked to find the words coming out of his mouth - he hadn’t planned them. “Sit with me for a while longer. The fire’s already lit, it would be a waste for you to go so soon.”five of levi and erwin's firsts.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 18
Kudos: 165





	love, we can be fools this once

**Author's Note:**

> hope this isn't too ooc or badly written!!

1\. 

They’re filling in paperwork. It’s a methodical thing, something practiced so often that they work together in a comfortable silence, apart from the scratch of ink against paper. Erwin fills out his sheet, checks whatever boxes, signs some dotted lines. Levi mirrors the practice.

“Done?” Erwin murmurs. Levi hums, and they swap the papers, sign whatever lines are left empty, then add them to the neat stack of completed sheets. Levi straightens their edges and takes the next set of files from the dwindling unfinished pile, handing Erwin the thinner of the two before raising his arms towards the ceiling, stretching out his spine.

“Need a break?” Erwin inquires, quietly. He gently presses his pen to the table, as if he’s scared to disturb the peace of the room. Perhaps he is, he thinks. He’s found that the two of them dance around these situations, like treading on eggshells, as if they’re too loud, that’s it for them. It’s silly, he knows, but he doesn’t want to be the one to put that theory to the test.

“Nah,” Levi decides eventually. “I can keep going.” Erwin has already leaned back in his chair.

“I’ll finish up later,” He says.

“You sure?” Levi bites his lip, as if nervous.

“‘Course. Only a few more left, anyway. Thanks for all your help today.”

Levi waves him off, reserved. “It’s nothing. I have to sign it all anyway.”

“Levi,” Erwin repeats. He waits for the younger man to look at him, meets his steely eyes. “Thank you.” The man nods in response. He doesn’t speak, he knows he doesn’t need to.

Eventually, Erwin is the first to stand. He waits by the window for a few moments and touches his hand to the glass. It’s shockingly cold against the fiery warmth of his office.  
“Cold,” He remarks to Levi when he realises the man has appeared at his side. Levi makes an unimpressed tch sound, but grazes his finger tips across the window pane nonetheless. Outside, the early morning drizzle has broken into an afternoon downpour. Rain lashes against the glass and slowly runs down with a pitter-patter, distorting the view of recruits running in from training, which has evidently finished early. Some hold the jackets over their heads, opting to let their shirts soak through as the rain pounds down, bouncing up off the ground where their heavy footsteps beat against it.

Despite all, they’re laughing.

Erwin smiles. Levi makes a noise in his throat; Erwin isn’t sure what to make of it, but when he focuses his eyes on their reflections in the window, he sees that he’s smiling too. He turns his head to look at the real thing, the slight upturn of Levi’s lips and the softening around the corners of his eyes. 

“Don’t go yet,” He says, shocked to find the words coming out of his mouth - he hadn’t planned them. “Sit with me for a while longer. The fire’s already lit, it would be a waste for you to go so soon.” His persuasions fall on deaf ears. Levi has been nodding since he first spoke.

They sit in front of the mantle, on Erwin’s plush settee. He, Smith, takes a corner, resting against the arm while he looks into the crackling embers. Levi tentatively sits next to him - Erwin is acutely aware of the fact, but pretends not to be - and slowly draws his legs up onto the settee, his shoes tucked away under the seat. Erwin watches him from the corner of his eye, pretending he is unaware of the younger man weighing up his decisions. There is something very feline about the situation, Erwin thinks fondly, the desire for closeness but the reluctance to act on it. He stays stiff and still so as not to alarm Levi, or draw him out of the courage he is obviously trying so hard to summon. The fire flickers as the dwindling remains of a log falls in between the careful arrangement of wood and tinder beneath it. As Erwin’s eyes move to detect this, Levi’s head hits the side of his arm in one fluid movement. Almost immediately, he feels the softening on their muscles, as if they’re melting into one. When Erwin slowly moves his arm to envelope Levi’s slender frame, Levi lets out a sigh of relief.

Up until now, it strikes Erwin, this has been an unspoken agreement, of kinds. No, that’s too clinical, detached - it’s a development in their relationship that hasn’t yet been acknowledged. Still, not right. Erwin struggles to find words that describe this situation that don’t seem too pedestrian. Unless…

“Levi?”

“Erwin.”

It’s that feeling people get a few times in their lives, if they’re lucky, Erwin thinks. When you’re two people in a room, but it feels like you’re two people in the universe, just you and him and nobody else.

“Erwin?” Levi repeats.

“I love you.”

There’s a moment. Rain hits glass. The fire spits.

“I love you too.”

2.  
There’s a knock at his door. Levi’s tell- tale four dull thuds, gentle against the wood. He doesn’t wait for Erwin’s response, just opens the door a crack and lets himself in. The blond looks up from his desk with a smile.

“Commander,” Levi greets him.

“Captain,” Erwin nods back. Biting back a smile, he can’t help but shift a little at the absurdity of using such formal terms when they’re alone. “Just finalizing battle plans for your squad. I’ve revised the formation a little, so I was hoping you’d review it with me.” He recognises the furrow of Levi’s brow. “Nothing major, Levi. Just ensuring the safety of our new recruit.” Levi nods, moving to stand in front of Erwin’s desk and looking down at the diagrams he had prepared beforehand. The older man has to lean back in his chair a little, to stop their close proximity from clouding his judgement. He looks up, trying to read Levi’s face - impenetrable, of course, as it always is when it comes to battle. His grey eyes scan the page, committing it to memory. Erwin mirrors the action, instead studying Levi’s face.

The shorter man hums. “So it’s just a matter of moving Jaeger closer to me?”

“Right. I wouldn’t entrust him with anyone else.” Levi hums again, nods. Erwin catches himself leaning closer, staring a little too long at Levi’s concentrated face, before clearing his throat. Levi’s eyes flit upwards, meeting his.

“Is that all?”

“Yes,” Erwin confirms. “Dismissed,” he adds, unsure of the level formality they still require alone. Levi’s eyebrows raise a little, imperceptible to most, but Erwin knows him better than anyone, and he is clearly amused by his nervousness. Bastard. He turns to leave, reaching the door before-

“Wait, Levi-”

“Hmm?” Erwin stands, crossing the floor between them.

“Good luck.” There’s barely any space between them now, Erwin’s hands are on his shoulders, and Levi has to crane his neck to be able to look him in the face. On a whim, Erwin lifts a hand and brushes the knuckle of his forefinger against Levi’s chin, his huge mitt suddenly appearing indelicate against the dainty lines of Levi’s jaw. Absentmindedly, he lifts his thumb to trace the subtle swell of Levi’s lips, and he’s astonished to see the way his hand dwarfs Levi. More amazing, perhaps, is the way Levi leans into the warmth of his touch, the way his eyes flutter shut and his lips purse as the two men meet in the middle with a clumsy brush of the lips. Levi exhales from his nose, pulls away. Places a hand on the back of Erwin’s neck while standing on tiptoe. They kiss again, still chaste but less clumsy.

“Good luck,” Levi responds, forehead pressed against Erwin’s. They share a smile as if it were a secret, before Levi slips out of the door again.

3.  
The door to his private quarters is bursting open. Erwin startles, turning his head to the door, pulling his partially unbuttoned shirt closed against his chest. He spares Levi a glance before relaxing a little, turning back to the wall.

“Levi, not a good time,” He starts, “I’m changing-”

Footsteps have been approaching him rapidly from behind. A hand grips his remaining shoulder and forcefully spins him around.

“Oh, not a good time, Smith? That’s a real shame, because I think it’s the perfect-”

“Hey, woah, I-” Erwin has never been one to stumble over words, but this was unexpected to say the least. He hasn’t seen Levi this angry without a blade in his hand. He’s looking at him with narrowed eyes and tensed eyebrows, breathing heavily, almost snarling. Erwin’s own brow furrows for a moment, but he reserves judgement, first taking a moment to struggle one handed with the remaining buttons. Levi sneers.

“Well, I don’t think there’s any need for that, I can’t help-” Erwin snaps, letting his arm drop to the side suddenly.

“I don’t have to feel sorry for you,” Levi spits.

“What is your problem?” Erwin demands, taking a step back. 

“My problem? Like you don’t know-”

“You’re acting like a child,” Erwin bites back. Levi clenches his fist.

“Like you’re any better, Smith, thinking you’re better than everyone else, better than me, spreading my business about, telling everyone my shit-”

Erwin’s initial outrage subsides, replaced with bewilderment. “Wait, Levi, what do you think I did?”

“Don’t act all innocent!” Levi yells.

“Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s all just a misunderstanding,” Erwin begins, tone having dropped significantly. It seems to throw Levi off: his trembling is more apparent now, in his tense hands and jaw.

“Then why is Hange asking me all about us?!”

“Levi, love-”

“Don’t love me.”

Erwin swallows thickly. Breathes. “Levi, I swear, I haven’t spoken a word of this to Hange.”

“Then why-?” Levi makes a strangled noise in his throat. The silence that follows settles uncomfortably, like when you fall badly and twist your ankle. Erwin pinches his brow; this room feels too small, as if it’s bursting from the pressure of the awful atmosphere that fills it.

“Didn’t Hange tease you like that before any of - any of this happened, anyway?” Erwin reasons. Levi seems unsure. On the one hand, he knows that’s true, but on the other, Erwin sees the mistrust behind his eyes. It stings a little. Levi collapses on the side of Erwin’s bed.

“Yeah,” He says, but his voice is still hot with anger. Erwin regrets using such a condescending tone. “But they just- they were- ach.” He sighs, buries his face into his hands. “Yeah. They did. Fuck.” He grumbles. The bed groans under Erwin’s weight as he sits next to the other man.

“Sorry,” He says, softly, because he knows Levi won’t be able to say it. Not yet. “Shouldn’t have snapped at you without knowing why. Or spoken to you like you’re a child.”

“Or told me I was acting like one,” Levi rasps bitterly. “Fuck. Didn’t mean that. I just..”

“Yeah. I get it.” And he does. Levi has a reputation to uphold, and he can understand that kissing the commander isn’t a part of that. Above all, Levi has spent his life protecting himself, fearing vulnerability. The mattress springs creak a little as he shifts closer. “We don’t have to tell anyone, Levi,” He reassures him, quietly, when the silence starts to make him feel nauseous. “Ever.”

Levi looks up sharply at that.

“Or- until you’re ready,” Erwin corrects himself.

Watery sun light seeps in through the crack in Erwin’s curtains. He focuses on the dustmites that dance around in the illuminated streak through the room that skims Levi’s right thigh and Erwin’s left, the rest slipping through the empty space between them. After a few moments of Erwin avoiding looking at him, Levi throws himself backwards into the plush white sheets with a moan, hands still hiding his face.

“Okay?” Erwin says, gently leaning back and resting his head on his hand.

“I’m… sorry.” the other man manages. Erwin is taken aback - he hadn’t expected an apology - and can’t hide his shocked smile. Levi peeks out from behind his fingers.

“No need to look so pleased with yourself,” He quips, but when Erwin rolls on top of him and pries his hands away from his face (later Levi will swear he only went easy on him because he lost his good arm), Erwin is sure he sees a smirk before he kisses him silly.

4.

It’s more awkward than he thought it would be. The room is too quiet, so he’s painfully aware of every creak and scrape that the bed makes, and in Erwin’s fantasies he never really thought about the logistics too much, so there’s an uncomfortable few moments of shifting about before Levi whispers sharply - “No, what are you doing, here, let me-”

“Are you.. Giggling right now?”

“No! Yes. Yes, this is-”

“Very romantic, Levi.”

“I can hear you rolling your eyes right now. Oh- Okay, yeah-”

“Did-?”

“Shhh.”

And for a moment it’s just heavy breathing, which makes Erwin feel absurd, so then he’s giggling, and of course that only causes more uproar, so much so that Levi threatens to go back to his own room- and then there’s more quiet whispers, serious, this time, and gasps, and Levi’s foul mouth must be rubbing off on Erwin (“Fuck, Erwin, ha-” “Levi.” “Fu-uck-” “Shit, I-”) and the rest feels like a blur of mouths and skin glowing white in the moonlight that creeps in through the window.

It’s quiet for longer this time, but with less of the suggestive creaks of protest from the bed frame that had made Erwin blush furiously like a school boy. The two of them had rolled - more comfortably this time, Erwin considers - on to their sides, squinting a little to see each other in the dark of the room. Levi has the ivory bedspread bunched around the dip of his hips, exposing to Erwin the quick rise and fall of defined chest. Erwin’s eyes are fixated on the rhythmic movement until it slows to a regular pace. After a while, he notes that his chest is mimicking the pattern. It’s subtle, but it’s there. For some reason it makes him feel like his heart is swelling and his crawling up his throat.

“Love you, Erwin,” Levi mumbles, and Erwin chokes back his growing emotion to flit his gaze upwards, where he finds that Levi’s eyes are beginning to droop, heavy with sleep. Erwin smiles, struggling awkwardly with his arm in order to place a hand on Levi’s face, resting his thumb on the jut of his cheekbone. Levi’s eyes flicker open, bright behind his lids, creased around the edges with the beginnings of a smile.

“Love you too, Levi.”

“Hmm,” Levi hums, nestling into Erwin’s neck. The sound vibrates against his throat. It tickles. “Love you. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Erwin chuckles, slipping his arm around Levi’s slight body and pulling it closer to his own. Levi presses his cheek against Erwin’s pec, and the contact between the warm skin makes the two stick together.

“I know,” He murmurs, pressing lazy kisses to wherever his lips can reach. Erwin sighs, the contented noise breezing past his lips without him having any say in the matter. Craning his neck uncomfortably, he snatches a look at the younger man, the way his eyelashes flutter as he fights off sleep, unwilling for the moment to end, then sneaks a drawn out kiss to his hairline. It causes the younger man to look, and a beam of moonlight catches his eye for a moment, and Erwin swears for a moment that he sees the galaxy in those eyes. Whatever freedom he’s been searching for is rendered null and void in the seconds worth of starlight he steals from Levi’s eyes.

“Stooop,” Levi grumbles, collapsing back on to his firm chest and dragging the quilt over his head. Then, more seriously, “You stop that right now.” He’s mumbling the words against his pinkened skin.

Erwin gingerly lifts up the duvet, looking down in the hopes of catching those eyes again, puzzled. “Stop what, darling?”

“Stop looking at me like that?” Erwin doesn’t have time to ask the questions that spring to mind. “Those scared eyes. The ones that look like you’re remembering this can’t last.”

5.

It’s another late afternoon-early evening. There seems to be so many of them recently, endless golden nights spreading out on to the empty pages before them, and for a few moments, at least, you can allow yourself to get confused, kid yourself for the evening, that it has never been any different. So naturally, Erwin allows himself to be deluded every now and then. He’s be a fool not to take advantage of the quiet summer evenings, where the ground is soft and dry underfoot, and the forest edge offers the most tempting shelter from the beating sun, a private recluse, as long as you don’t mind sharing it with the bird song and chirp of crickets and evening cicadas.

Erwin allows himself to spend a lot of this time alone with Levi. Sometimes they just sit, silent, maybe leaning a head on a shoulder, or brushing fingertips; other times, they might opt to read, and on those evenings, Levi is partial to resting his head on Erwin’s lap, and when he gets hazy with sleep from the summer heat and a good dinner, Erwin marks the page of his own book and picks up Levi’s to read aloud to him, picking up from whatever passage his bleary eyes had failed at. This particular evening, however, they talk.

“Erwin,” Levi begins, not looking at him. Instead, he’s twisting long grass into an intricate braid, nimble fingers manipulating the green strands into the pattern. His brows are knitted together, forming a dimple in between them from focus.

“Hmm?” Erwin acknowledges, slightly opening one eyelid from his spot lent against the trunk of a giant tree.

“Do you think it’ll be like this forever?”

Abruptly, Erwin sits up. It’s never been like the two of them to question the order of things, especially not in the brief periods of peace they’ve managed to steal away from the world. He lets the silence stir for a moment, as if in wait for the universe’s retaliation. He waits. Nothing happens.

“Why do you ask?” He settles with, eventually. There are so many questions, he realises, but he’s worried he doesn’t have the time for all the answers. The epiphany hits him in the stomach with a dull thud, like it’s knocking the wind out of him. He repositions his hand in his lap for the sake of having something to do.

“Wanted to hear your thoughts, I suppose. On the future, I mean.” In an attempt to tighten the braid, Levi pulls on the grass, but his grip is too hard and he has to start all over again. He doesn’t seem to mind.

“Well, there’s the walls-” Levi’s scoff interrupts him.

“Not what I was getting at.” He looks up then- they both do, and their eyes meet in the middle, pupils resizing in the bright glare of the high sun.

“In that case,” Erwin begins, cautiously framing his lips around words that he feels the need to choose carefully, “Whatever happens, wherever I end up,” He doesn’t really want to dwell on some of those possibilities, “I want for it to be with you. Together.”

Levi hums, nods. Go on, he’s saying, as he goes back to looping one strand of grass over another.

“In a house of our own… with a garden. With rose bushes, and hedge borders, and a bed of peonies and orange blossom, which I’ll tend to dutifully, and you’ll be so impressed that you won’t even care if I accidentally brush you with my muddy gardening glove.”

“Hmm, not likely, dear.” Levi’s tone is sweet, like hyacinth. Erwin isn’t surprised that his chuckle matches, light as the summer breeze. 

“And I’ll pick the best blooms just for you, and you’ll keep them in vases on the dinner table and the mantle place. All of our guests will say, why, you must introduce us to your florist, but you’ll just place your hands on my arm, and say, you’re looking right at him! And I’ll say, Come, I’ll show you the garden.”

“You make us sound like a doting married couple,” Levi smiles. Erwin is lost to the story.

“We’d take in a stray cat one rainy day. You’d pretend to hate her, but once we’ve given her a bath and she’s lay down to dry in front of the fire, I’ll catch you cuddling her in the evenings. Sometimes you’ll both be sat in the settee in identical positions.”

Tying off one plait, Levi breathes out, a half laugh. He starts another. Erwin’s looking up to the sky, past the branches and green leaves, eyes sparkling with the sun as he looks into the future.

“We’d have tea in the morning, and the daily paper. I’d wake up early to make you breakfast even if I wanted to sleep in. I’d give you the bigger half of my grapefruit, even if it looked really delicious. You wouldn’t ever have to ask for anything again. I’d take the bigger stack of paperwork, I’d wipe down the sides, I’d take off my bots before I come through the door.”

Levi looks up, sudden. He looks breathless in a way that Erwin can’t quite pinpoint; Erwin thinks, perhaps, it’s because I can’t quite pinpoint this feeling myself.

“Really?” Levi breathes, like he’s the only other man in the universe.

“Really. I promise.”

Levi sniffles, and he’s laughing, still too breathy to be just happy. “I’d like that.” The laugh evolves, making some real noise now. “Fuck, I’d like that a lot.”

“Yeah,” Erwin agrees, feeling choked up, as he watches the elegant way Levi knots the ends of the grass together. “It’s what you deserve. Hell, you deserve that and even more.”

“We do,” Levi corrects him with a smile. He pushes himself to his knees and presses a kiss to Erwin’s cheek. “Arm,” He orders, making a grabbing motion with his hands. Erwin is in no place to argue, his throat feels uncomfortably tight, like he might cry. He looks down at the band of greenery that Levi ties neatly around his wrist with a smile. A fat tear rolls down his cheek. It feels like he’s been waiting to break in this absurdly ecstatic way since he first told Levi he loved him. 

“That’s just for now,” Levi explains, soft. Then, wordlessly, he wipes the tear from Erwin’s cheekbone, presses a kiss to his lips. “Now help me with mine.”

That whole maneuver takes longer than expected, Erwin feels slightly useless using his one remaining hand to hold the chain of grass as Levi struggles to loop one end other the other, and eventually just uses his teeth to pull the knot tight, the two of them laughing the whole way.

“Well, come on then!” He says expectantly. 

“What?” Erwin says, bemused, throat still a little shaky.

“Aren’t you going to ask me?”

“Ask what?”

Levi rolls his eyes. “Well, we basically just tied the knot and you still haven’t even asked me.”

“Tied the.. Levi. That’s a terrible joke.” Erwin goes to bury his face in his hand, but Levi snatches it back, intertwining their pinkie fingers. 

“You’ve promised now. You just promised to marry me. You might as well ask me now.”

Erwin sighs, but he doesn’t mean it. They both know that. The crickets are stridulating, as if an orchestra playing for the royals. The sun is beginning to set, it’s right in front of them now, so when Erwin moves himself to be directly in front of Levi, the younger man has squint to see. When he’s half-looking like this, it’s almost as if he’s staring at an angel. He’s happy to let himself be fooled. Erwin kneels on one knee - later Levi will berate him for the grass stains, but neither will really care - and offers his hand to Levi. He takes it, of course.

“Levi, I would ask you to make me the happiest man alive, but you’ve already done that, so.. Will you promise to never stop? I want to be with you forever. Will you do me the honour of marrying me?”

Levi narrows his eyes and is shocked to find they’re threatening to spill over. He closes them instead, and presses a hand to his chest, sniffling.

“I’ll have to think about it.”

“You-!” Erwin begins, accusing, then lunges at Levi, tackling him to the grass in a shower of lips touching face. He lets himself be wrestled on to his back, and looks up to Levi, framed by the yellow-orange sunset sky, the green of the leaves, the song of watery laughter, restless and racing breath.

“Erwin,” Levi beams. “Yes. I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> hope u enjoyed!! thanks so so so much for reading!


End file.
